April 16th, 2010 
ghostlei 在两人的感情出现危机时，你是如何处理的呢？尽力化解矛盾，还是去找一个感情“备胎”？如果你们两人都想要维系这段感情，那就都不应该有“备胎”。但如果有人已不在意这段感情是否能够继续，那么最好马上分手，然后你们就都可以去寻找更适合自己的另一半了。
Dr. Saltz says it’s better to resolve a relationship than to keep a “backup”.
Q. The majority of my ex-girlfriends have had “fallback men” lined up in the latter stages of our failed relationships. I have never had a fallback woman lined up. I am currently in a timeout phase with my girlfriend. Should I start lining up women up now, because I am sure my current girlfriend has men lined up behind me?
A. No, I don’t suggest you keep fallback women lined up. Instead, you should resolve the situation with your girlfriend.
There are many reasons why people line up others as fallback partners. Often they fear being alone or fear what it means to be alone, especially if they derive their personal worth from being partnered up or buy into the erroneous view that couplehood enhances their value.
Sometimes, people hate not having someone to care for or to take care of them. If such people see singlehood on the horizon, they make doubly sure there is somebody else on deck.
Breakups are difficult even if you are the one initiating the split. In many ways, a breakup is a loss or a failure. You might feel guilty. Sometimes you like the person even if you don’t wish to remain romantically together permanently.
So, when suspecting there might be a breakup soon, it feels much better to be swept up in the excitement of a new person rather than tolerating feelings of sadness, loneliness or guilt.
But it is healthier to spend time figuring out why the relationship didn’t work, what you might do differently next time, whether the relationship was worth saving or how you might choose a more suitable partner.
The key is the quality of the relationship. Maybe it is worth saving and maybe it isn’t.
All relationships go through bleak periods and rough patches. That doesn’t mean it is a bad relationship. But it’s hard to evaluate that if there is always a fallback person who, by definition, presents a rosier picture. With a new person, the negatives have not yet presented themselves.
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